Transcription of Document FFDoc-1303.pdf

First Day of Autumn '82!

Hi folks:

Have not been ignoring Frank's notes, nor have I forgotten you - have simply neglected to write!! I have no excuse and, Lord knows, do have what looks like endless time to do anything. But I indulge myself and poop around as the spirit moves me - which ain't often as you can imagine. This results sometimes in fits of the guilts for not being gainfully employed (& so less available for idle moments) & sometimes in self-reassurances that I-worked-for-it and I can enjoy my leisure as I please.

Oct 18!!

Actually I'm not doing much of anything & have no excuses for the unfinisheds in my life, including this note to you. I do owe some recognition of that impressive debits/credits account you sent, Frank, and the rebate check. I appreciate the bother the bookkeeping had to be and vow to avoid indebtedness if we do any other vacationing together.

Sure wish you hadn't lost your films - am sure you had some different shots of the same places as I have & hoped to see them. But, for an absolute novice, I had some good luck (& some nice returns from a good, automatic camera I daresay). I sent them off one at a time (the exposed rolls, that is) so it was a month or so before they were all in. I've tried identifying most of them and, for the most part, think I've gotten them right. Some I've labelled Scene A, Scene B after discovering that a second shot (made deliberately in the same general area) allows for some matching & overlapping to give a wider view. One set actually lends itself to an A-B-C matching. Have dated each set, & numbered it film 1 - 2 - etc - have my notes to consult, so if you have any questions or comments - or corrections - be my guest. And feel free to pencil in on the back of any of them. All of which suggests that you'll be seeing them soon.

Sunday Oct 24

Don't ask - I don't know what interrupted me again. Do know that I keep telling myself there's not much to write so don't hasten to pick up again.

Came home from Jeanne's awhile ago to find Michele's note saying you had called. Everything here is fine. The "new" in anyone's life is that Ace landed that job with Spencer Press in Wells that he wanted so much - on the latest machine of which there are only 2 or 3 in the country. So things should begin to look up for them financially, at least, once he's thro the 3 month probationary period & sure of the job. From what I hear he seems confident about what he's doing, is responsible for 4 men on the machine, is second in command on it. Will be working a 36 hr, 3 day week but paid for 40, with overtime for anything over 36. One day's overtime would mean an extra $114.

Betty & I took our turn having Mom for a short period. Ron & Roy had planned a week off so we filled that time. (Oct 2 to 11th) If I understand Ron's thinking, short respites every so often will be helpful to her and, as she says, maybe easier for me. Our exposure, if you will, was a full time one since we were a 24 hr trio (Tony came over for the 2 wkends) & left me knowing how rough it could be if there were other responsibilities of a daily job and one's family to handle. My observation is that you find yourself dealing with Mom, many times, as you would with a child & it does become wearing. I can't estimate how fast, or slowly, she's changing but her problems with recall & orientation are increasing - sometimes ordinary info is lost in as little as 5 minutes even after helping her to process and understand it - she often doesn't know whether it's a night or day & has a fetish about the time, constantly checking her watch against your clock. Even after 9 days here she couldn't decide which direction to take for her room or the bathroom. On the other hand I think Mom has a kid's facility for manipulating/getting attention and I think some of her "confusion" was partially childish ploys. I think she gets around pretty well in Ron's house but here she wanted help - got pouty when I told her she could make it w/out Tony's help once & gave her the cane. To get to the sofa or a chair in the living room she bent over and held on to chairs or the coffee table. But lots of other times when she didn't realize we could see her, she did fine in an upright position & leaning on walls or counters etc.

Betty somehow took over the "waiting on" for Mom & after a couple of days Gen would look for B. to do everything, ask nothing of me. So, from all the negatives she used to heap on B things changed for a week at least & B was her angel. At Ron's she thanked B. for being so good to her and added, "you picked an awful place to come to"! I'm still chuckling. I was the heavy in her week & she made fists and faces to B about me when I was out of the room.

Poor Gen - she does feel the loss of her independence and resents what she sees as all decisions being made for her - pretty much a reality. So we tried to give some leeway in what areas we could - whether or not she'd eat, when she'd go to bed. Once or twice she insisted she wasn't hungry when lunch or supper was ready but as soon as I was up from the table she asked B "are there any snacks - I'm starving" - one of her childish times. If she went to bed at 8 it only meant she'd be up again by 10:30 & we were still up anyhow. We had the services of a homemaker 3 times that wk & they also gave a shampoo (on the bed, no less!) & she seemed to feel OK about her tho' she'd been hinting for weeks about not needing one.

Mom was mostly negative - none of the living-room chairs satisfied her - I was afraid of her on my light weight dining chairs so got a strong captain's chair from Ben but she wouldn't use it because it has the [curved] back and she couldn't "throw her arm" over that. When we pushed her in at the table of course it ruffled up the rug - she couldn't abide that just during the mealtime so we took the rug up. She seemed bored so much of the time - no matter what TV offered she didn't like it so just sat, waiting to go to bed. She has bugged Ronnie about crocheting & brought it w/her - but refused all but one invitation to get it out & see what was to be done - "No, not now." The once B. did get her to unveil it, she spent 20 minutes at it. We went riding several times but Mom had little enthusiasm for the scenery or the color changes. We got Ben's wheelchair & thought she might enjoy getting into a store for a change (Zayre's) - she went but it wasn't anything special for her. One trip she did enjoy was our happening to be at Kennebunkport on a day & hour when the tides were wild and the waves crashing & spraying were spectacular. Mom got out of the car & leaned against the seawall, staying longer than I thought she could.

She definitely didn't want to be here, couldn't wait to get back to Ronnie's. So I took the liberty of explaining as simply as I could, & with B's help, that there will be - definitely and unavoidably - other times that she will have to spend away from Ronnie's and at one of our homes. This is a pretty harsh notion for her to contemplate - takes her independent choice away - and she doesn't want to be going from one place to the other. We went thro the explanations of Ron/Roy needing their time, change, some freedoms etc., without the assurance that Mom is safe they can't take some special times and the rest of us want to share the responsibility with them. She gradually seemed to get the idea but we know it was all for naught & prob'ly soon forgotten.

Later, by several days, we tried to coax her into staying longer by a few days or a week but she wouldn't hear of it. Then when it was time enuf to tell her we'd be getting her back to Ron's on Mon. she asked "who gave those orders?", then was terribly concerned about whether Ronnie knew she was coming & whether she approved. It's all just confusing for her and I'm not sure that can be avoided completely.

I'm truly glad Betty was here. Having another person around - especially a live-wire - can dilute the irritations that seem to rise from dealing with someone who acts like a child when all your past experience of a mature, strong, independent person leaves you subconsciously & automatically having adult expectations of her. I guess it takes some deliberate awareness & effort to reverse things & put one's self in the parenting role to a parent.

I've outdone myself after all the delays - & have got to quit for bed - also because I've said it all.

Will send the Pix out along w/this - they're all boxed & ready to go.

I never did ask Anna if there is some organization or mission - or whatever - that I can send a contribution in her dad's name - or have masses said??

Which also reminds me that Uncle George died a couple of weeks ago - at age 99.

Till another time,

Love to all of yez,

Dot