Transcription of Document FFDoc-1293.pdf

Sunday, Feb 21, '82

Dear Vee, and Joe,

As Vee, at least, knows, Anna & I visited Maine last weekend, as Anna had a 4-day weekend for the Lincoln/Washington birthday observances. We went to Dot's on Saturday, after visiting in Boston area w/Anna's relatives. On Sunday we went to Ron's, to see Gen whom we found, all things considered, to be quite well for her age. All told, we had a very good visit w/everyone, and returned home on Monday, Feb 15 (we celebrated Mom's birthday at Ron's on Sunday, Valentine's Day).

Saturday night, at Dot's, we had a "mini" family conference, as Ron & Roy, plus Betty and Tony, came over to discuss the present situation concerning Mom. We have all, as you are well aware, benefitted from Ron & Roy's generosity and sacrifice in housing and caring for Gen. Mom gets around reasonably well, but is becoming more forgetful with time, and periodically exercises her "I want what I want NOW" attitude. She needs some reminders now and then about personal cleanliness and clothing changes, but seems generally mentally alert and aware. She eats everything in sight, and has put on enough weight to appear a little "potty."

What all this background leads up to is that Ron has asked everyone to help share the personal burden of caring for Mom. Ronnie's nerves are getting to the frazzled edge, and she's no longer able to be as resilient about the various problems and crises she encounters in the "care and feeding" of Mom. She needs some relief from the constant demands on her time and attention, and has suggested we all take our own turns at sheltering and feeding and caring for Gen. She feels she could handle things much better if we took turns on an "every other month" basis; that is, that we each take Mom for a month at a time, with Ron having her for a month or so in between her visits with the rest of us. Those of us at Maine felt Ron's request is fair, though we all recognize it presents problems for each of us in readjusting our plans and schedules and maybe even our property (homes) to some extent. I was asked to contact both of you to present the need, and request your participation with us in this new arrangement. What we're requesting is an honest, sincere examination of your ability to accomodate Mom for a month at a time. It will not be easy, perhaps, and may even prove impossible. But the challenge is to see whether each of us can assume the responsibility in some way. Betty's apartment, for example, presents a hazard for Gen in a steep, easily accessible stairway.  Also, space there is limited, I believe. But Betty and Dot seem to have agreed that they will share their caring "turns" for Gen at Dot's house; this will mean perhaps 2 months running that Mom would be at Dot's. Here at Ashley our present plan is to have Mom stay at night in one of the 2nd floor bedrooms, but somehow shelter the stairway so she is in no danger of going down it or falling down it at night if she goes to the bathroom. For daytime, we plan to arrange a bed in the family room, so she can rest if she wants during the day. We may need to add a screen (folding) for some privacy; PA will be here at the same time. Mornings Anna can help Mom downstairs, and I can help her with the climb at night. She and PA will share the half-bathroom in the back hall during the day. If the stairs are too much of a problem, we will probably make further accomodation in the family room. We are going to see if we can arrange for a "health aide" to come in during the week to care for her (bathing, personal care) as has been arranged for PA. Mom can be left along for considerable periods, as long as food, a place to rest, and a "john" are available. Ron says the (approximately) $148.00 she gets in pension each month would be available to us siblings for her needs when we are caring for her.

At Maine we agreed it would be good if we could get Gen, at least initially, to accept "invitations" to visit with us, as she is not left with the feeling she has no control over her situation. But we firmly believe also that the decision to "visit" should not be hers alone, as Ron's situation needs a solution that is not subject to Gen's veto.

(Anna & I are wondering if we're going to need a chaperone for Gen & Pa if we're not here!)

The "action" needed is to have you give this letter careful attention & consideration, and to send me your decision within the next 2-3 weeks. If talking about it will help, please call. When we get inputs from you both we'll try to come up with some tentative scheduling for visits. If your decision is positive & you have a preference for the "time slot" you want to host Gen in, please let me know. Anna & I are considering April or May, for example.

Love & Regards to you both

Frank.