Transcription of Document FFDoc-1272.pdf

Monday - 1/8/79

Dear Frank:

Wrote your check last nite - one of many - & held it over wanting to write you a note - you'd be better off if you got your money on time!!

I should be asking about you, I thought, but decided a Xmas eve phone call should get me off the hook for at least a page. My biggest news is that I'm now a grandfather!! (or has some grapevine gotten to you already?). After a month back in Nov when Reen thought she'd have an ill-equipped preemie, last week she was in almost constant labor & thought baby would never decide to take on the world. But he finally did, on Friday the 5th - a 6lb 13 oz Adam Fidencio Pongan. In this Pelletier clan of females begetting more females (don't tell me - I know it's males!), he's a welcome surprise. "mother and baby doing fine" and both went home today. ("over" - I can't wast the lines on the reverse side of pink paper!)

Michele doing relatively well. Two weeks ago medics were afraid her "baby" was dead so did ultra-sound tests - baby alive but she (Michele) hasn't been gaining or growing much in over a month. Possibility is miscalculation of due date or baby isn't progressing well. We should know more after her next appointment in a few days.

Meantime she's kept her 1st appointment with worker at St. Andre's - private Catholic adoption agency and came away with a good feeling of trust in their approach. She's been gearing herself toward adoption for the past few months & has taken the first hard step. On her initiative we've several times spent a few hours discussing her leanings towards this plan. At those times it was easy for me to be objective and ask oceans of provocative questions, pro and con, because I've dealt with so many expectant mothers. There is absolutely no area of present or future concern that she hasn't examined for herself - I found that hard to believe but the evidence was there. But Jeanne went to St. A's with her and at a point where M left for the ladies' room, sister told J she wished all her clients were like Michele - she knew herself thoroly, knew where she was coming from.

I've also worked with enough mothers so I take nothing for granted so don't predict what the outcome will be. Either way - keeping baby or surrendering it - promises to be an unhappy solution to an unhappy situation for both of us. And I have found the thoughts of adoption absolutely devestating to me, personally. I can't quite frame the "why's" of that reaction, but thankfully, it lets me know what Michele will face if all goes according to current plans. And I'm just now feeling what it must have been like for Betty to carry her Jean's baby out and transfer him to adoptive parents! I judged her telling of it as "dramatic" - I guess I've got to eat some private humble pie.

All of which endorses my theory that you relate better if you've "been there" - a  thought I mention intentionally 'cause I've felt it several times w/respect to our Ireland vacation. Somehow I feel more personally "connected" to news items or articles about places we've been - and I'm sure I'd have given the same items short shrift a year ago!

And now - 3 pages later - to you. Am trying to savor the changes you must be experiencing and am struck most with how "still" things may seem by comparison to the past months and, certainly, to the past years. Just to be suddenly fewer in number calls for adjustments for those few - to take on a separation with all the emotional overtones of the Shields-Lefevre union of families must be strange & different for everyone, even if it has peaceful & welcome aspects for everyone. (a beer spill spot!! [points to smudge]). All I can offer is love and prayers for each of you. I guess I feel most for Dorrie who's losing a mother-figure for the second time around and who has always seemed the most vulnerable. You know I ache for you, but I'm child-oriented, and you do have the advantage of age, and wisdom, and experience with coping. Perhaps none of those will make it any easier emotionally right now but they do help. At the same time, I hope you won't expect too much of yourself (you do, you know!) you are human & vulnerable too - and you can be only one parent, not two. You've always wanted & needed such a "tight ship" routine - I wish for your sake & the kids! that you could learn & accept what new mothers must - that there are just so many hours to a day, that some chores have to be neglected from time to time, and that a neat & orderly home is far less important than the relationships in the family it houses.

I recall our Christmas Eve conversation & your telling of a "go-round" with your kiddos. From experience, personal and professional, I can only say "Listen" - our kiddos have much to teach us about ourselves if we can just be open-minded & objective, and put aside the usual parental sensitivities. I daresay we 6 might very well be different personalities had we not lived in the traditional era of "thou shall" and "thou shall not".

Oh, Frank, I feel like a preacher! - my excuse is loving a& feeling for you and your kids and wanting you to have the best of each other.

'Nuff Said! And, speaking of Ireland - Jeanne had 3 of her snaps enlarged to 8x10 and they are beautiful - not grainy -not fuzzy - no ill effects! Part of her past birthday present to me was any 3 Pix enlargements so you can be sure I'm about to take her up on it.

I only remembered this month's interest bill because Ron mentioned it - how Roy, at the last minute in sending their $ said "do you have a message for your brother?" - and she wrote a quick note - and wondered if you were up to having some family spongers one weekend soon. "Soon" meaning sometime before Feb 10 weekend (just in case I go to Calif. for Pat's new baby) - or later than that if you still want company. Give us a "yea" or "nay" - we don't mean to be unexpected intruders.

And now I gotta go - I may have started this on 1/8 but it's now 1/10 at 11PM