Transcription of Document FFDoc-1253.pdf

Monday 11-22-71, office - lunch hour

Dear Anna & Frank:

It's taken me a long time to get down to this note and I must admit that you and a few other relatives were put on low prioity - not because you rate less than friends & acquaintances, but because you're "family" & more understanding. And also, I guess, because my mind seems blocked and dull & unable to say the things my heart feels.

It meant more to me than I can adequately express to have Frank here for Leo's funeral. It was a busy, crowded, and confusing time - but I treasure our late-hour conversation that told me of his love and admiration for Leo and made me realize how great was his own hurt in losing him. I guess it was a needed revelation. We, here, loved him and took him for granted, thought the world did likewise, and felt no one could be so deeply affected by his death as ourselves. That thought, persued to its logical end, would mean Leo hadn't made much of a ripple beyond his own little pond of Pelletiers and we really do know better than that. Maybe sorrow is self-centered and we fail to assign to others the same sentiments we feel ourselves. BUT, for Frank's being here & sharing his feelings, and for your generous Mass offerings, thank you both dearly.

I guess if we were to be tested for an "adjustment quotient" we would rate at least average, with some scores above and some below the median. Whatever our varied secret or open reactions, we presume they are all par for the course. Multitudes have been in the same situation so we can't, in all fairness, feel we have been singled out - as others have "made it" so we expect to, in time. That very practical and hopeful outlook is a comfort, but doesn't eliminate sudden upsurgings of depression, anger, self-pity and, far worse, sheer panic. But when these are followed by the times of peace, and absorption in work, and social intercourse with friends, and a feeling of well-being then I take refuge in the thought that "this, too, will pass".

I really shouldn't be  burdening you with my feelings - I guess doing so takes advantage of Frank's offer "if there's anything I can do ...", so you're listening!

On the brighter side - you'd get a real belly-laugh if you could see me trying to locate, decipher, "make-sense-of" Leos' "affairs" - bills, insurance, stocks, cash etc. Since he had much filed in his head and operated on the dubious theory that "I know just where to put my hands on it", his bookkeeping system was somewhat disorganized. I've spent hours & hours going through the boxes & envelopes where he stashed things using his own system. Since July, & more so since late September, I tried to follow what I thought was his system & just entered things in the several books he had started. At the same time I have tried to start my own filing system, but it's difficult to reconcile the two without starting from scratch. Every so often I find myself going nuts trying to locate something - is it in his system or mine - pawing thro' bags and boxes, muttering to myself. I'm so fouled up it's ridiculous and I surmise it will be some months before things change appreciably. Meantime, with our weekly income cut in half, the money keeps going out as tho' there had been no changes!! If you want to help, just PRAY that the Lord endows me with some financial sense and a small talent for organization - any size will do.

We have decided to take Ron's invitation for Thanksgiving & go to Red Hook and must say I am looking forward to it. I have one reluctant daughter who'd prefer being home 'cause her boy-friend is home from college - but I'm insisting on everyone's going!

We think of you often, remember you in our prayers. To both of you, and all the kiddows, our warmest wishes for a pleasant holiday.

Love, Dot