Transcription of Document FFDoc-0693.pdf

Tues. May 23, '44 11:15 PM, In St. Petersburg

Dearest Dorothy:

Well Red head, I'm afraid your letter has left me gasping for words, but only in regards to answering you. Your wasteing your time interviewing, why don't you go in for short story writing. Your letter of May 18th arrived on the 21st. I would have written yesterday Dot, but part of my treatment is hypodermic needles of morphine & believe me, they do strange things to a person's mind, vision & body. When I received your letter I had all I could do to read it. That morphine partially destroys the vision of the eye - for a short peroid of time. So you can well understand why I didn't answer you right off. Oh I read it but I couldn't quite get the just of it, due to the dulled condition of my so called brain or shall we call it skull cavity & let it go at that.

My mind at present is crammed full of words & ideas, so lets hope that neither my arm, the pen, or my thoughts give out before I finish.

But before I do on with this missal, I'd best tell you about my shoulder, then you'll have the news & you can & or can't wade through the rest of the crap, as you see fit: I got it playing soft ball Dot. I fell comeing around third base, but I did manage to get home & score a run. The fellows set it & I went back out on the field & promply dis-located it again trying to catch a ball. Only this time they couldn't set it. So there I was with my arm over my head.

They set it for me over at the hospital & promptly put me to bed where I have been, more or less for the past week. I wrapped in bandage from hips to ears & believe me it's hot. But the worst part is the damm pain. Some days it doesn't bother me at all & on other days it bothers the hell out of me.

From the looks of things I'll probably be here 2 or 3 more weeks. After that I'm afraid to even think. But enough of this tripe, lets get on with my story.

I know I told you I had $300 when I got home, but actually it was $500. And every cent of it went to the city of New York. It wasn't a release from Jail, Dot, it was a release from Hell. Where the money went I honestly can't say. I can only account for about $100. But I don't regreat it in the least. I did have a good time. True I didn't spend too much time at home, & hard as this might seem, it didn't bother me too greatly. I did want to see Mom & Dad & the Kids awfully much, but during the day I just couldn't sit still. Even at nights, I was restless around the house, for fear they would question me, about over there. I didn't & couldn't tell them too much about it Dot. They had been through enough just haveing us 3 away from home. I just couldn't hurt them any more. Then on the other hand I wanted to see Fel, not just for a few hours or day. I wanted to be near her as often & as much as possible. I do love her greatly Dot. My thoughts are of her constantly, even more so than with the family, (yes (I'm ashamed).  Perhaps you and the rest of the family figure I'm getting a run around, & maybe your right. But you'd have to know Fel & know what's in her mind to understand why we have never come to anything definate. Actually we have more of an understanding than most of you realize. Then again, I have never voiced my feeling until this last visit. Before this I had neither the courage or fortitude to approach her. I'd never even kissed her before. But while I was home I did make some advancement. More than once we sat in her parlor & "necked" away for hours. But even then She couldn't commit herself one way or the other. Dot I don't like to comment one way or the other on Fran & Peg. I'm quite content to allow them to live there lives as they see best. But until he announces an actual engagement I think it only fair to mind one's own business.  Please what ever you do don't get Fel & I wrong. If any thing ever come's of it, you & the family shall know of it first. Till then I wan't no accusezation's on the matter! Okey Doke!!!

The only reason I've decided to save some war bond i s because I know I will need "beau coupe" dough if & when I ever get hitched. Other than that my plans, my future, are as they were 3 years ago. I still don't have the slightest idea as to what I wish to do when this is over. As a matter of fact the thought of it scares me. I still intend being a bachelor if this doesn't pan out. Maybe even if it does. I know my self, more so than any one else I think, an because of this I haven't the heart to ask anyone to be stuck with me for life. Then too I can't see my self ever have a decent job & I'll never marry unless I'm making at least $50 per. And after the war that is going to be big money. Oh there are times that I've felt that I'd marry her on a moments notice if She'd just say yes. But when I think it over I know I'd back down. Fel know of my plans, my thoughts & what have you & possibly that's what is scareing her off. But I'd rather have her know what's what , then to walk into something blindly & be disappointed. Oh She has her faults, don't we call. But her good points out number her bad & even so I'd be quite willing to over look them. Oh I want to get married & raise kids & have a home of my own & all that Dot. But I'm afraid of being a failure. Perhaps not right off, but eventually. If that happed I'd be miserable to say nothing of my poor family. Marrage is a serious thing. Too damm serious at time's I guess. But when I make the team, I want to play according to rules, or not at all. I know of you love life Dot. Perhaps more so than you think I do. I know you want to have a home & children of your own more than anything in the world. But like me, I think you don't wan't to take the chance of a flop. No not on your part. Like me you'd stick it out somehow, come hell or high water. But this Dot is a problem we will have to decided for our selves. Its not easy, I'll admit but anything worth while never did come easy. You say "So what!!" in your letter, to these problems that confront us. Who do you think your fooling Dot. I know better than that. I have an awfully funny, trait I guess you'd call it. I have to know whats going to happen next. If I don't I'm moodey & disterbed. And until I find out whats going to happen I remain that way. This pretains to everything not just certain subjects. Then too Dot in the Army I've seen an awful lot of unhappy, very unhappy marrage's. I've seen how its affected the best & the worst of men, & I don't want it to happen to me. The bad it doesn't bother at all, & the good it ruins, for life. & I like to consider myself among the good, even though I don't belong.

And now Dot after much crap about which neither of us know much about, we come to the topic "Combat experiences." True I have been putting it off, debating just how to go about it, or to even tell you at all. It's hard to write about such things, unless, one is gifted with the knack of writeing. That I'm afraid is something I have not mastered. In oral conversation its easier, because one can answer questions put to them & the one questioning can listen & observer from expressions & motions & there by get a clearer, more vivid picture on the subject.

So you can take this for what its literary value is worth. Descriptions won't be too keen, because memories, at times, can be painful. I'll only answer or try to answer thoes questions that you have put to me. The rest we'll save for a rainey day in some beer garden in Bklyn. Where you & I & Frank & really get together, like old times.

My reactions in the very begining were very null. I felt to an extent almost disappointed. For the simple reason that there was nothing to them. By that I mean no fighters no flax. Then as time went along things got hot & then hotter. Planes & crews were failing to return & gradually we, or I , came to realize that this was for keeps, the playing was over. But actually it didn't bother me too much. I was still the cockey loud-mouthed red head that I always was. Before I go further, I see one sentence in your letter that reads: "I think now, that you have toned down a lot of your stories & I'm wondering what the truth is." Dot, to be frank with you, I feel hurt. For the simple reason that there is doubt about the truth on any subject of combat, liveing conditions & such of which I may have spoken. I'm no angel Dot. But we don't kid or falcificy fact about "over there." Maybe it was my nonchalant attitude that led you to believe that all was not true. As a matter of fact I eased up as much as possible so that you people would think it wasn't too bad. But I guess I over did myself & gave some wrong impressions.

Scared, sure we were scared. Anyone who wouldn't admit he was scared was an outcast. But scared as we were it was never quite bad enough to cause us to back down from going on a mission. I was really scared on my 13th raid. Because it was the first American raid on Rome [Ed: 07/19/1943].  At that time the fighting was still going on in Sicily & Rome was a 1000 miles inside enemy territory. We came home with over 200 holes in us that day & quite a few of the boys never got back at all. All along, when a crew went down, it was usually another Sqd, or some some crew that we didn't know too well. Therefore it didn't bother us too much. Then too when the going got rough it would be in the rear of the formation & we were in the front & vice-versa. But as time went all we could feel that it was going to strike close & soon. We always knew when some one was going to get it. The ground crew even more so than the combat men. I got pretty jittery when I had my turret dome shot away twice. But the boys on the ground said, don't worry, Joe, you make your 50 with ease. But others were not quite so lucky. Eddie Joseph &  Jimmy Grimm who slept in our tent & whom we went around with back in Columbia were on the list to go down. I'll never forget ole Eddie saying: Nothing will happen to me, I've got a date New Years Eve in New York. But Ed never kept that date 3 days late he & Jimmie went out on a mission & didn't return. Its no fun to walk into your tent, your home, & see that two of the cots are empty - permenintly. It was our Job to pack all there personal belonging & turn them into supply. I'm not ashamed to say I cried that day, nor are any of the other fellows who slept there. We were only kids & we'd had our first real touch of War. Campbell was only 18 my radio man. I was only twenty, & Cliff Brown the Bombadier was 34, but even so it effected him the same way.

All along we hadn't worn our parachutes, for we felt we didn't need them. I couldn't wear mine as there is no room in the turret, but I do have a harness onto which the parachute snaps. But I didn't even wear that. Not even after Joe & Grim got "there's". You see, if you were going to need a chute you'd have plenty of time to put it on. Otherwise you'd never have a chance of getting it on in time to use it. But on our 38th raid we changed our mind. We were leading the formation of 36 ships this is how we are laid out in the air. [ED: picture of 3 boxes of 6 ships each, Joe's plane first in formation in center.]

1st box of six. Second box of six. 3rd box of six [ED: Each with arrow to one box in the formation.]

& the same over here [ED: parallel formation of ships to the right.]

As you can see, we were number one ship over the target. We were up in the Vulturno river area & were about 20 miles inland when the flax started up. There were just two burst off our tail & the third shot hit the number two ship in the right gas tank. The scence that followed Dot is something I'll remember as long as I live. Almost at once the entire ship was covered in flame. The right wing folded up & fell off as though some one would bend a feather, the gas in the left wing tank exploded the. the same thing happened. The Pilot & Copilot could be seen as they were actually blown clear out of the ship, still strapped to there seats, the ship broke off just forward of the bomb bay & the Bombadier was forced against the plexis glass of the nose of the ship as it spirriled downward you could see him clawing & beating at the glass to get out. But centrifical force held him there. The look on his face was horrible. Next the ship broke off just aft of the turret & the bombs could be seen to fall from the ship still attached to the shackles. The tail slowly floated downward in a bellowing orange flame. Next the radio & turret section exploded the bodies & limbs of the radio man & gunner could be seen, among wreckage, & metal & flame as it hurled past our ship. Out of all this a parachute opened, who it was, or how it got there, none of us know. The only conclusion we could come to was that some one had there chute on & was blown clear of the ship & it opened. When we got home, there was blood & bits of metal & flesh all through our tail section. I don't think it took more than 10 or 20 seconds for all this to happen. But it seems like a life time. The pilot called up & wanted to know what happen, but neither of us could speak. We just sat & looked at each other & we were as white as sheets. After that Campbell & I made it a practice to have our harness on before we got over the target.

The mission I was most scared on, why I don't know, but I dreaded going on it was my 47th. But it turned out o.k. Only a few fighters & not too much flax. My 50th was pretty rough. We were up over southern france & the flax was perfect we had our left Airelon & tail stabilizer shot away but we managed to get home O.K. But that's enough combat for now Dot. We'll talk about it some other time.

Now we come to WAC's overseas. The majority of them Dot have bad names. Actually I guess its only a few but one bad apple always spoils the rest. In a way you can't blame them Dot. Many of them have been over there for quite some time & it isn't at all like they expected & the only way to get home is to be pregnant. Sooo who are they to be choosey. If it means getting back to the states they'll try anything one time. Then on the other had you run into thoes who go out for a little fun & it goes from bad to worse & they finally come to the decision of why give away what I can sell. & believe me they are making mints. Its not only the Wac's the nurses are in on it too. One of them was caught & sent home, with a bank roll of $16000 which she acquired in the short space of 9 months. There are a million & one reasons why these girls slip Dot & you'd have to be there to understand why it is.   Well Dot, it is now 4:00 A.M. & I'm getting groggy. So I'll close for a while. Bye now & please write again real soon.

My Love always

Joe

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